LETTER TO THE RETIRING COMRADE

Dear Comrade,

Congratulations are in order for coming to the end of a journey; at least 16 years! It seems like the other day, when you joined campus! I am told you left no stone unturned; in fact, you threw some. All the same, I hope you had fun.

I would like to celebrate with you some more, but this missive carries separate intent. See, I was in your shoes not long past, and I know where it hurts. The icon, Nelson Mandela, said that after climbing a great hill, one realizes that there are many more hills to climb. My purpose is to help you set off on this new journey.

Wake up, smell the coffee!

Starting on a candid note, get it from me that it’s a jungle out here. The jobs that you have been studying for come scarce. The salary expectations you’ve always had are rarely realistic. The freedom you’ve enjoyed along your campus hallways will soon be curtailed. The tap of resources you’ve had from your sponsors will run dry. Wake up and smell the coffee!!!

You are coming into a world where the unemployment statistics keep soaring. Thousands who graduated before you are yet to be absorbed into the system. Three years experience is often required for a graduate; a paradox! I don’t mean to be a skeptic, but soon, you might start hanging out around Jeevanjee or Hilton.

Navigating Uncertainty

It would not make sense to sign off at this point. You are stepping into an uncertain world. Let me help you through it; and anyway, isn’t this what comrades are for? The formula is simple; know what you want to do, know where you stand currently, and work out a plan to bridge the two.

Have you thought deeply before about what you want to do? You don’t cover much distance if you don’t have aim and purpose. Worse still, you might jump onto a bandwagon, only to realize years on that you are moving in the wrong direction, and the distance on the journey back to the centre does not match the time and effort.  

Draw a picture of yourself, five to ten years to come. What kind of experience would you wish to have attained by then?  What sort of person occupies the role you foresee in that future? What do you need to work on to get to that person? Don’t be caught off guard, sometime soon you will be asked to express your dreams and aspirations. It won’t do you justice pausing or fumbling for a whole minute. Summarise all these in three minutes, you’ll thank me later.

All about the extra

‘Where do you stand currently?’ that is the next question. Knowing you well, you are smart; good grades throughout. If I remember correctly, that is what got you to campus in the first place. Soon, you will find out that all your colleagues, current and before, share similar brains. Your academic performance so far simply gives you a platform. What differentiates you from the other performers is the extra.

A good start would be your soft skills.  Are you articulate in your communications? Do you have good presentation skills?  How is your grooming?  Now would be a good time to buy a suit; a professional one.

Create good networks; friends who will tell you about open offers and how to go about them. There will be disappointments along the way, so it pays to be resilient and passionate. Horn your interviewing skills, always research beforehand about your interviewer’s company, and never arrive late for an appointment.

Signing off

It seems we have a lot to talk about, yet I have to sign off at this point. To you, as you embark on this journey, I say 'bon voyage'.

CHRISTMAS PARTY, WHAT A DAY!!!

Friday, the 9^th of December 2011 marked the highlight of my induction at KPMG. Just hours before, I would have jumped at the opportunity to miss the Christmas Party and the Amazing Race that preceded it. See, work was already knee deep, and I had many expectations and deadlines to meet. I thought my time would be better spent trying to make these ends meet. I was so wrong!

I got an immediate rush of adrenaline on arriving at KICC at 8:30am. My team’s timing guaranteed us a late 20s starting position, forcing us to work smart in order to catch up. We split and ran around town carefree in search of the pictured monuments. Very interesting were the guards working at the GPO building, who couldn’t quite point out where the Nairobi Miliary Stone was, despite it being next to their building.

My team was back at KICC within 15 minutes. We were issued with clues and instructions and flagged off, after singing an instantaneously composed rendition of the song ‘Malaika’. Immediately, we got drift of how the clues mapped our itinerary. Somehow in our excitement, we lost track and found ourselves next to Nakumatt Lifestyle. We had to go round all the way past Lonrho House before recovering. Such was the nature of the clues; some simple, others disguised in wicked genius.

We had fun collecting items on the scavenger list. Imagine approaching a G4S guard and requesting for a photo shoot with him! Not forgetting the shock on a food vendor’s face when multitudes descended on her shop only to ask for roasted maize, boiled eggs, celtel scratch cards and tooth picks. Not least the discovery that people never carry their own passport size photos in their wallets! Instead we carry other people’s photos around, if you get my drift!

We had a survey tour of Nairobi, that’s for sure. How else then can one explain a journey that starts up Valley Road, goes past the Arboretum, slices through Muthaiga, doubles back past Gigiri, only to get us to Thika Road. Its amazing how everyone found their way.

We planted a team tree at Karura forest as soon as we were done with the first section of the race. Takeaway lunch was provided, which we almost threw out at the sight of ‘Nyama Choma.’ We literally took over the preparation, since the meat wasn’t served as fast as we ate. As if that wasn’t enough, we packed a kilo or two to keep us going. Driving from Karura, we missed a whole half page of clues, thanks to our continued gorging of meat in the car.

We quickly recovered, and knowing the drill by then, easily found our way to Safari Park. We arrived in style; our paraphernalia, boiled eggs and all, intact. The Race’s moderators were shocked at our early finish. According to them, other groups that took up the challenge arrived a good two to three hours later. This is KPMG, what do you expect?

I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with colleagues at Safari Park. When evening came, we held a ceremony to celebrate the day so far. From the crowd’s chorus of answers, it was clear everyone was a winner; from the dazzling ‘Night Nurses’ to ‘ile team imevaa red’(best name if you ask me). As it stands, some were more winners than others. Most deserved, courtesy of landslide public acclamation, was the Malaika rendition that took the day. Philip was at hand to present the prizes.

All these led to the main thing, the Christmas party! The men were looking as white as they could. The ladies were nothing short of divine! The mood was merry, as the room drowned in a continuous buzz of party flutes. The buffet was open; the congregation sat down to a sumptuous meal, as they witnessed the presentation of awards to our deserving subordinate staff and departments. Josphat gave a keynote speech on the year that was, and passed the baton to Robert, to facilitate the remainder of the event.

I don’t remember which came first, the catwalk or the exchange of gifts. Either way, I came to appreciate that walking on stage is not as easy as it looks! Robert’s ‘right and left story’ saw me walk away with an Afro fusion CD, just what I’d asked Santa. To crown these all, both the floor and the bar were open, which pretty much sums up the rest of my night.

The party didn’t stop for me until three in the morning. As our designated driver dropped me off at my place at 4a.m, I couldn’t help wonder what surprise the next end year party would have in store. What a night! What a firm this is turning out to be! We don’t make this stuff up, it only happens at KPMG!

Denis Nyanja

Audit

Appeared on KISA; a KPMG East Africa Newsletter; March 2012